Getting divorced is one of the hardest decisions you have to make in your life, and when you have children together, that decision is even harder. Choosing to stop being with your partner is something that cannot be taken lightly, and there are many reasons why people choose to end the marriage. No matter what your reason is, if you’ve chosen to make this decision, it means that you are doing the best thing for you, your children, and probably even for your ex-spouse. If you have kids together, you are probably worried about how this process is going to affect them, but one thing you should always remember is that children are going to grow much healthier and happier in two different homes, than when they grow up in a family where the parents have an extremely unhealthy relationship.
If you are worried about some of the things people usually say about co-parenting, you should know that not everything is true. In this article, we are going to talk about some of the co-parenting myths you need to stop believing, and we will give you more information about this whole process, and the things experts suggest are more likely to happen.
1. Things won’t work if you don’t have the perfect relationship
Many people believe that they need to be best friends with their ex if they want the whole process to be easier on everyone. In reality, things are not black and white. You cannot force a relationship with the person you were married to and now you are no longer together.
Know that things will change over time, and the current relationship you have may be different in a year, or five. You need to give yourself time and give your ex-partner time. The divorce or the breakup are stressful enough on their own and you don’t need to force anything.
If you ended things on friendly terms, then it is great. You can do whatever you feel comfortable with, and if that includes having lunch with your ex, then so be it. On the other hand, if you don’t want to communicate with them, that’s okay as well.
One thing that you should always talk about is your children. No matter who has the custody, they should update the other parent for new things. This could include the most important things and changes in your kid’s life, or something minor. Just because you don’t live together anymore, it does not mean that the parent who does not have custody should be excluded from things.
2. Agreeing on things will be impossible
This is another common concern of most parents, that after the separation, they will not be able to agree on things, including alimony, holidays, overall expenses, and other things that are crucial for the whole process.
In reality, this does not happen that often, and even though you may come to disagreements, that is completely normal and expected. Even if you stayed together with your ex, you would’ve had most of these issues, and that is nothing new, scary, or wrong.
When it comes to shared expenses, you should sit down and talk to your ex about the things that you should pay the same amount of money for. You can easily track the expenses by using a tracker app, and this way you don’t have to remember or worry about things that are not written down. It is going to be much easier for both parents when they know what their child needs, why they need it, and how much it costs.
For more information on how to do that, check out https://www.dcomply.com/child-expense-tracking/
When it comes to other things, you need to be patient and listen to what the other co-parent wants, needs, or suggests. You don’t have to solve everything via the court, and it is going to be much easier for you if you sit down and talk about things.
Make a plan for the weekly visits, make a plan for holidays and vacations, and think about things including birthday parties. You can easily solve any issues as long as you are open to listening to each other and communicating.
3. Your children will not be able to accommodate
The next big myth we are going to talk about is children not being able to accommodate to having two homes instead of one. Unfortunately, this is a thing many people say when they try to force their partners, relatives, and even friends to stay together. This is not true, and you should never feel guilty about making this decision.
A lot of people will tell you that the whole process of learning the visitation rights, drop-offs, and spending holidays with one parent or the other is going to affect your children a lot and they will be unhappy. Once again, this is not true, and you should not put that mind into your head.
In reality, it will take some adjustment, and your kids will need time to process things, but so will you. Give them enough time, and talk to them. Let them know that the feelings they have are normal and expected, and if they have any questions, they can talk to you about anything and everything.
4. Your child will be unhappy
Another myth that many people believe in is that your children are going to grow unhappy. This, once again, is not true. Researchers have shown that when children grow up in an unhealthy environment, they are much more likely to suggest from anxiety, depression, and face other mental health issues than when they grow up in two different homes.
Your children are going to be happy if you are happy, and if they see mom and dad constantly arguing, is not going to bring them more safety. When you decide to separate, you can teach them that sometimes things don’t work out, and that is fine. You will teach them that they don’t have to stay with someone they don’t want to, and everything will be okay.
This is a difficult process for you and for your children, so take things slowly, and take one step at a time. This is a new period of your life, and you are going to adjust. Try to communicate with your ex, and know that in case you need any help, your lawyer, social services, and the court can help you out.